i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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