Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
