I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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