he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
