Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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