Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
