is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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