These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The feeling are messing with the penis
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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