i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
