I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
