I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
