I swear she didn't look like that last week.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
