Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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