So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
