i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
