i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
