i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
