I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am one with the molecules
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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