We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
