You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just pynch a tree in the face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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