Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
