On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you would pick up someone in the library
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
