well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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