btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
