That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
