You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
