Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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