And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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