babies were throwing up all over the place
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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