ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
