take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
