There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
