I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
