I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
