i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
