Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
