I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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