Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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