My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dick has a subreddit
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
