Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
