Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
