Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Are we still banned from the library?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
