Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
