You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
that's an acceptable place to lick
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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