I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
