And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
