i jhust puked up my retainher.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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