Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
