Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hate your face
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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