i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
