if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
