Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
