their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
