Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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