I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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