let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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