my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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