omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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