I want to have your abortion
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize