Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
