you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
