Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
