i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
