I just gift wrapped bread.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
