uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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