the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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