Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize