I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
