So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize