feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
