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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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