I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You ate ashes out of my bong
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
