Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
