walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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