clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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