Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
