she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
