Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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